If you’re a cat being called “lazy” probably comes with bragging rights. If you’re a human I don’t think it works the same way.
The word lazy gets used a lot to describe people. I’m not sure where it lands on the hierarchy of insults for most, but for me, I really don’t like it.
“Lazy” is a conversation stopper. It is often said with tones of frustration, resentment, negative judgment, disgust, or anger. It provokes feelings of shame, and it erodes one’s sense of agency and competence.
Bottom line: I think it’s safe to say it’s never a compliment.
Lazy quickly goes from being an adjective about the quality of one’s activity in a given moment to a core identity characteristic.
He’s lazy. She’s lazy. I’m lazy. You’re lazy.
We say it about ourselves.
Teachers say it about their students.
Boss’s saying it about their employees.
Parents say it about their kids.
Very often what we label as lazy is really inaction in ourselves or in others,
inaction that doesn’t make sense to us.
- Why doesn’t he do his homework consistently? He’s just lazy.
- Why doesn’t he ever take the initiative and make plans for dinner? He’s just lazy and would rather wait for you to do it.
- Why doesn’t she look for a new job instead of always complaining to us about this one that she’s had for years? I think she’s just kinda lazy to be honest.
- Why don’t you ever cook anymore? I think I’ve just gotten lazy.
- Why can’t she ever get these reports done on time? Obviously, she’s lazy and procrastinates.
- Let’s go for a walk. Nah, I’m too lazy these days.
We do not have a way to understand the inaction, and so, we attribute it to laziness.
BUT,
labeling someone as lazy does not help to motivate the person in the way we think it will.
“I know you are feeling left out because all of your friends are getting jobs. You could have a job too if you were a bit less lazy.”
“Stop being so lazy and pick up your bedroom!”
“Ok that’s it! I have to stop being so lazy and sort out my bills.”
“Ugh I am such a lazy person, which is why I always have piles of dirty laundry all over the place.”
We imagine the tough love lazy comments will light a fire under our arse. They usually don’t.
This kind of approach rarely works in terms of rallying motivation.
We get stuck. Yes.
We get in our own way. Yes.
We procrastinate. Yes.
BUT,
it is not because we are “lazy.”
Very often inaction (i.e the “laziness) is our best effort to get our needs met.
Underneath our inaction are legitimate needs.
When we are not aware of what’s causing inaction, or when we can’t seem to communicate it to others – it gets labeled as lazy.
For instance, underneath lazy might be things like:
- She is frozen because of the fear of getting it wrong. Opting out or delaying comes with less distress than risking failure or negative judgment.
- He is always having to be responsible and figure things out and soldier on, and there is a part of him that really wants someone else to take care of that thing or take care of him.
- She is overwhelmed and depleted and cannot figure out how to replenish mental, emotional and physical resources. She eventually runs out of gas and has to stop.
- He is unsure how to get started.
- She does not want to appear incompetent or too dependent and will not ask for help.
- She lives with chronic pain or illness that is invisible to others.
- He is managing significant, chronic depression and/or anxiety.
- She is grieving a loss and it is hard to feel like the day to day things matter much.
- He feels isolated and does not want to do another thing alone.
Calling others (or ourselves) out for being LAZY does not jumpstart people into action. Often it fuels more inaction.
What helps to motivate and mobilize people are things like:
- Identifying what need is not getting met (and is driving the inaction) – and then trying to meet that need in more functional ways.
- Using positivity and rewards is the best motivator. Negativity and punishment are not effective ways to bring about behavioral change.
- Make activities meaningful i.e. interesting, in service of others, etc.
- Foster an overall atmosphere and environment that is characterized by failing well and not by perfectionism.
- Changing your thinking about something can change your sense of motivation. Mindset = Power.
- Help someone get started by joining in for the first couple of action steps.
- Chunk bigger tasks that feel overwhelming into smaller more manageable steps.
- Create structure and consistent routines. These provide us with momentum and a kind of downstream current that keeps us moving even when we don’t feel like it.
- Let go of perfection. It is not friendly.
